Woman-on-the-bridge-e-flyer-5A London journalist goes to the Brooklyn Bridge to jump off it.

4 women, 2 men or a larger cast.

SCENE FOUR

JUDITH’S HOTEL BEDROOM. NEWYORK.

Upper East Side. East 79th Street.

JUDITH is in bed with ANDY.

ANDY

Sorry.

JUDITH

It’s OK.

ANDY

I’m never so quick.

JUDITH

It’s OK.

ANDY

You got me going.

JUDITH

Yes.

ANDY

Maybe later.

JUDITH

Yes.

ANDY

It’s stress.

JUDITH

Don’t worry.

ANDY

I always worry. (Beat.) Why did you lie?

JUDITH

When?

ANDY

Online.

JUDITH

What?

ANDY

You said you’re old.

JUDITH

You’re sweet.

ANDY

You’re like a girl.

JUDITH

[wryly] That’s right.

ANDY

You know you should be careful.

JUDITH

That’s not an issue.

ANDY

What?

JUDITH

It’s unlikely.

ANDY

What?

JUDITH

Oh. Nothing.

ANDY

You don’t even know who I am.

JUDITH

You’re OK.

ANDY

I could be a murderer. Strangle you with a sheet. Nobody would know.

JUDITH

One schmuck less in the world. [Beat.] You want to sleep?

ANDY

What’s your name?

JUDITH

I told you.

ANDY

Angela? [Shaking his head] Uh huh.

JUDITH

Why not?

ANDY

Angela is blonde with a snub nose.

JUDITH

Tonight that’s who I am.

ANDY

I’m Andreas.

JUDITH

[Holding out her hand in mock courtesy] How do you do!

ANDY

Everyone calls me Andy.

JUDITH

So we both have names beginning with A.

ANDY

And yours is?

JUDITH

Anon. I wrote a lot poetry. [She looks at him for a response.] Never mind.

ANDY

Gertrude!

JUDITH

[laughing] Gertrude!

ANDY

Cleopatra?

JUDITH

I love it!

ANDY

Ophelia?

JUDITH

Oh-feel-iya.

ANDY

Eurydice?

JUDITH

Well, you’re either an actor or a singer?

ANDY

How did you guess? [She shrugs.] What’s your work?

JUDITH

You know.

ANDY

No.

JUDITH

People.

ANDY

You don’t give much away.

JUDITH

Coming out of the lift, sorry elevator, did you see that cute marmalade cat?/

ANDY

/Why won’t you tell me?/

JUDITH

/Yesterday I tried to get him to come in but he was shy. All orange cats are male did you know that?

ANDY

I like cats too. And dogs. ‘Angela’!

JUDITH

[Stretching] Do I want to sleep or eat?

ANDY

First a nap and then we’ll go out.

JUDITH

No. We won’t.

ANDY

Mm?

JUDITH

Go out.

ANDY

What?

JUDITH

I don’t date.

ANDY

You don’t date?

JUDITH

I’m a married woman.

ANDY

Oh.

JUDITH

Does that bother you?

ANDY

I thought you were...

JUDITH

What?

ANDY

...maybe divorced.

JUDITH

Why?

ANDY

No ring.

JUDITH

It pinches.

ANDY

Someone’s wife. Je-e-s-u-s.

JUDITH

And that’s a problem?

ANDY

Where is he? Your husband.

JUDITH

What time is it in Europe?

ANDY

Seven.

JUDITH

Probably having dinner with another woman.

ANDY

Oh.

JUDITH OK.

For you, I break the rules. Let’s go out.

ANDY

You should be with him.

JUDITH

Maybe he should be with me.

ANDY

You’re smart. I like that.

JUDITH

There’s a diner on Madison does great omelettes. I’m sure it’s still open.

ANDY

Marriage is marriage.

JUDITH

You’re very old for a young man.

ANDY

How old?

JUDITH

Five thousand and something. What are you? Catholic?

ANDY

Maybe.

JUDITH

And you believe?

ANDY

I’m Bavarian.

JUDITH

Ah yes. Andreas. Why have you no accent?

ANDY

[In stage German] Vot du vant me to talk like in der cinema?

JUDITH

Ja! Bestimmt.

ANDY

My parents came to New York when I was a kid. They always say Bavaria is not Germany.

JUDITH

Meaning?

ANDY

I don’t know. More Latin. More Italian. Hell I’m tired.

JUDITH

Yes sleep. That’s what men do. It’s chemical.

ANDY

Was it enough?

JUDITH

What?

ANDY

My dick.

JUDITH

What?

ANDY

I know I was too fast but it’s always like that the first time.

JUDITH

No angst.

ANDY

But I mean even if it’s not that long, the width, that’s what counts isn’t it. That’s what women tell me.

JUDITH

Oh you don’t need to worry.

[He sleeps and then jerks awake.]

The full text for Honeypot is published in Political Play from Oberon books