SCENE FOUR
JUDITH’S HOTEL BEDROOM. NEWYORK.
Upper East Side. East 79th Street.

JUDITH is in bed with ANDY.

ANDY
Sorry.

JUDITH
It’s OK.

ANDY
I’m never so quick.

JUDITH
It’s OK.

ANDY
You got me going.

JUDITH
Yes.

ANDY
Maybe later.

JUDITH
Yes.

ANDY
It’s stress.

JUDITH
Don’t worry.

ANDY
I always worry. (Beat.) Why did you lie?

JUDITH
When?

ANDY
Online.

JUDITH
What?

ANDY
You said you’re old.

JUDITH
You’re sweet.

ANDY
You’re like a girl.

JUDITH
[wryly] That’s right.

ANDY
You know you should be careful.

JUDITH
That’s not an issue.

ANDY
What?

JUDITH
It’s unlikely.

ANDY
What?

JUDITH
Oh. Nothing.

ANDY
You don’t even know who I am.

JUDITH
You’re OK.

ANDY
I could be a murderer. Strangle you with a sheet. Nobody would know.

JUDITH
One schmuck less in the world. [Beat.] You want to sleep?

ANDY
What’s your name?

JUDITH
I told you.

ANDY
Angela? [Shaking his head] Uh huh.

JUDITH
Why not?

ANDY
Angela is blonde with a snub nose.

JUDITH
Tonight that’s who I am.

ANDY
I’m Andreas.

JUDITH
[Holding out her hand in mock courtesy] How do you do!

ANDY
Everyone calls me Andy.

JUDITH
So we both have names beginning with A.

ANDY
And yours is?

JUDITH
Anon. I wrote a lot poetry. [She looks at him for a response.] Never mind.

ANDY
Gertrude!

JUDITH
[laughing] Gertrude!

ANDY
Cleopatra?

JUDITH
I love it!

ANDY
Ophelia?

JUDITH
Oh-feel-iya.

ANDY
Eurydice?

JUDITH
Well, you’re either an actor or a singer?

ANDY
How did you guess? [She shrugs.] What’s your work?

JUDITH
You know.

ANDY
No.

JUDITH
People.

ANDY
You don’t give much away.

JUDITH
Coming out of the lift, sorry elevator, did you see that cute marmalade cat?/

ANDY
/Why won’t you tell me?/

JUDITH
/Yesterday I tried to get him to come in but he was shy. All orange cats are male did you know that?

ANDY
I like cats too. And dogs. ‘Angela’!

JUDITH
[Stretching] Do I want to sleep or eat?

ANDY
First a nap and then we’ll go out.

JUDITH
No. We won’t.

ANDY
Mm?

JUDITH
Go out.

ANDY
What?

JUDITH
I don’t date.

ANDY
You don’t date?

JUDITH
I’m a married woman.

ANDY
Oh.

JUDITH
Does that bother you?

ANDY
I thought you were…

JUDITH
What?

ANDY
…maybe divorced.

JUDITH
Why?

ANDY
No ring.

JUDITH
It pinches.

ANDY
Someone’s wife. Je-e-s-u-s.

JUDITH
And that’s a problem?

ANDY
Where is he? Your husband.

JUDITH
What time is it in Europe?

ANDY
Seven.

JUDITH
Probably having dinner with another woman.

ANDY
Oh.

JUDITH OK.
For you, I break the rules. Let’s go out.

ANDY
You should be with him.

JUDITH
Maybe he should be with me.

ANDY
You’re smart. I like that.

JUDITH
There’s a diner on Madison does great omelettes. I’m sure it’s still open.

ANDY
Marriage is marriage.

JUDITH
You’re very old for a young man.

ANDY
How old?

JUDITH
Five thousand and something. What are you? Catholic?

ANDY
Maybe.

JUDITH
And you believe?

ANDY
I’m Bavarian.

JUDITH
Ah yes. Andreas. Why have you no accent?

ANDY
[In stage German] Vot du vant me to talk like in der cinema?

JUDITH
Ja! Bestimmt.

ANDY
My parents came to New York when I was a kid. They always say Bavaria is not Germany.

JUDITH
Meaning?

ANDY
I don’t know. More Latin. More Italian. Hell I’m tired.

JUDITH
Yes sleep. That’s what men do. It’s chemical.

ANDY
Was it enough?

JUDITH
What?

ANDY
My dick.

JUDITH
What?

ANDY
I know I was too fast but it’s always like that the first time.

JUDITH
No angst.

ANDY
But I mean even if it’s not that long, the width, that’s what counts isn’t it. That’s what women tell me.

JUDITH
Oh you don’t need to worry.
[He sleeps and then jerks awake.]